So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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