Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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