remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize