addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
