I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
