ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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