there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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