I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
