Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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