Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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