Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
