apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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