If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
