Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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