well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
