i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
