Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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