I am in a vortex of obligation.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
