just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
