for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
