just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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