He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
