I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize