u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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