is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
