every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
