dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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