We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
