So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
