Having a random hookup so left but love u
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
