I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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