Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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