I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
