I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
