Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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