At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
