My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
