Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
