Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
