I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
