I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
