I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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