You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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