How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
