these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
