Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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