My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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