summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
