I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
