The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
