So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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