So drunk its hurt
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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