Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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