And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
