please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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