I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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