is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
