dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
cat food counts as protein by the way
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You took a bar mat shot.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
