I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
