ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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