I will die if light touches me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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