The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
