I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sober January is a disaster.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
