I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
