I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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