You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Who died my cat blue again?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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