so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
