I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
