just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
