Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
