I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
