I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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