You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
