1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
