Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
sarcasm needs its own font
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
