a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
