Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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