Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
