i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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