My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
