Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
