Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There r osticjed everywhere
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
