she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
God, I missed his penis.
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