i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
