Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
