Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
