Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
