Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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