how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
