I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
