I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
