Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
