Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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