nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
