I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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