My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
