Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
