just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Don't make out with my wife yet
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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