what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
