No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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