The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
