"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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