I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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