he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
