i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
