WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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