What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
