I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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