the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
