If i come over, it means nothing
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
