This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
