rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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